Sunday, May 24, 2009
{ 5:39 AM }
sometimes your words unknowningly just hurt another vulnerable heart. and you just get away with it not knowing how much pain you have inflicted. well, maybe it might work on some, but you never know. it might just kill another. i guess this just taught me another lesson. i've got to think before i open my mouth.
i could still remember how much i just wanted to just kill myself on that very day. i mean, ok. what's the big deal right? it's not true anyways. but i take things very hard. i understand that i am just another average girl. so average sometimes i'm afraid to look inside the mirror, afraid to see how average i really am. i am not smart, not gifted, not talented. i dont know what's my purpose in this world anyways. i see the future as very bleak. and i find myself becoming more and more stupid each day.
you know being in this situation is just so suffocating. it's like you're breathing down my neck, sucking away my breath. i could almost forget to breathe. please, would you just give us some space? dont force things onto us.
when i was thinking on my way home, on the bus, i felt so hopeless. i wonder who would be there to save me when i cant find any reason to fight on. but the stakes are high. i used to think that i have nothing to lose. i am wrong. i have a family whom i care. i have friends whom i love. i cant give up just like that. even ants are fighting to live, why as humans we give up so easily? i remember muncho's face. how he was in pain. yet he still tried to sustain his life. i remembered the look in his eyes. he was calling out for someone to save him, but we could do nothing. nobody can save me unless i fight for it myself. god won't help someone who dont help themselves. thank you. thank you for giving me the power to fight on. the power to live each day. i wont let your words pull me down because there are too many things that matter to me now. all i have to do, is trust in this gamble and finish this journey because since i am in it, i cant back out.
只需想到了你,打不死,輕傷的我哪敢死. since you, already so injured still wants to fight on, then what reason do i have to give up?